16 questions about your life, sexual habits, and personality in order to determine exactly how big of a beta you really are … or, try to prove that you’re not a beta at all — although I highly doubt that will happen to any of you.

Answer key:

Between 34 and 43, you are a beginner beta – you’re definitely in the realm of betahood, but you aren’t a veteran of the trade by any means. Don’t worry. We can work on developing your beta habits and skills.

Between 44 and 53, you are what I like to call a resolute beta. You are firmly entrenched in your beta ways, fully succumbed to your lot in life as a less-than never-alpha male who will always be in the lonely shadows.

Between 54 and 59, you are a gold star beta. You have fully embodied what it means to be a beta, and you are blind to any other lifestyle. You live to serve hot brats like Me, and you never EVER expect any positive attention from any female other than your step-mother.

Finally, between 60 and 64, you are the apex betas. The top of the beta food chain … which is actually the bottom of the food chain. You lack masculine energy, and you fully believe you are a subservient waste of molecules put on this earth to serve others and be the stepping stools and footrests for everyone better than you.

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